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A strange conversation with Kiki 
  wdalphin
 
01:35pm 24/02/2003
 
mood: bitchy
< O.O > : "Hey, chickadee! Wakey wakey!"

C-_-D : "Kiki, it's 4 o'clock in the morning..."

< O.O > : "Do you like fish, chickadee?"

Co_-D : "Not especially. Either they're wet and floppy and smell bad, or they try to bite my arm off at the--"

< ^.^ > : "I hope you like fish, chickadee, because I filled the bed with fish!"

CO_oD : "???"

*cue sounds of me scrambling out of a bed flopping and overflowing with fish of all sizes and shapes*

C@_@D : "Kiki, why did you do that?"

< O.O > : "Sigmund told me too."

There's something very wrong with a cat listening to her pet fish and doing as it commands. I'm hiding the knives.
 
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I'm an interior decorator! 
  wdalphin
 
09:11am 21/02/2003
 
mood: greedy
I promised I would post pictures of my interior decorating habits.



This is my second floor. There's no theme to it, except that of me keeping all my gulliver crap up here. The floor used to be lunar landscape, with lunar horizon walls, but I keep those locked up now. The floor is now a chessboard, and the walls a library. Very dignified. From back to front, left to right...

1. beach table, diver dan, fireplace holding a mario and a luigi trophy, surfboard, tribal mask
2. merlion, chinese lioness, chinese lion, moai statue, stone coin (encompssing two squares), regal table with chowder on it
3. tokyo tower, tiger bobblehead, fishing bear #1, fishing bear #2, second half of giant-ass coin, second half of regal table with crab stew on it
4. regal table with a phonograph on it (playing Cafe K.K.), empty space (WOW!), me, empty space, life ring, regal table with snow bunny on it
5. second half of regal table with a cornucopeia on it, LOTS of empty space, a picture of nook on a regal table
6. a regal table with a bar of melted chocolate and a box of tissues on it, THE EXIT, a regal table with my miniature of Gracie's car and a noisemaker on it


Here's a closer look at me admiring my many gifts.


Here is my first floor with an overly complete set of snowmonster furniture in it. The gyroids were just waiting to be packed up and taken to my secret base on Issaland Island. The jingle piano I got from Jingle himself in the mail, and the fireplace is there to remind the snowmonsters who is boss in this household. The train set is my toy until I get the model locomotive. The jukebox on the left plays K.K. Etude in Olivia's honor, and the bonsais make the place smell pine-tree fresh. I used to have the two beds set up right beside each other, so that I could roll from one directly onto the other without getting up. If you count the furniture, you'll see I've got an extra bed, table, dresser and cabinet. There's also an extra snowman floor outside in my mailbox. I'd have two tvs, but one of my nephews cried when I got it in the mail, so I gave it to him. Poor little kid... all it ever shows is snow anyway.
 
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Go tell it on the mountain 
  wdalphin
 
09:08am 21/02/2003
 
mood: blank

That's the orange tree.

Don't mind my armor suit. I started wearing it when I discovered Kiki suffers from "night terrors" and starts clawing at things in her sleep. She turned a perfectly good fiendish shirt into rags in one night, and left me with some nasty cuts. The other night I woke up at 2am and found her trying to direct her gyroids in some sort of choir. It wasn't working. I grabbed my hat and told her I was going home to sleep.


The next day, Tortimer dropped by. I had gotten so used to just turning the lighthouse on myself, that I think I'm going to be running into it face first for the next week until I remember he's back. Anyway, he thanked me with a melted bar of chocolate. What a guy. I thought maybe Kiki would like a bite, but when I went over to her house, she was still dancing with her gyroids. Had she been up all night???


Speaking of gyroids, I've amassed a rather nasty-looking army of them in my secret base on Issaland Island. If you look closely, you'll see I've even managed to acquire one of each poltergoid! Not an easy task, let me tell you. You may also notice that I'm wearing a new shirt. Gracie gave it to me yesterday, after I buffed her car to the point that the seats were smoking. It's called Shirt Circuit, and it appeals to the geek in me. I still don my snow ninja garb when it comes time to fight and sneak about.


Eloise must be some sort of pachydermic masochist, because she grabbed me as I was checking the wishing well yesterday, and started serenading me. I've struck this elephant across the knees twice with my shovel, buried her up to her arm pits in the dirt around her house, mailed her a boot, attacked her with fish, insulted her and even torn my pants off and thrown tham at her, and yet she still wants to sing to me? Wait. Maybe I shouldn't have torn my pants off and thrown them at her.
 
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Shit, I forgot the tree 
  wdalphin
 
07:47am 20/02/2003
 
mood: working
I had a picture of the orange tree, but it wasn't uploaded, and LiveJournal was giving me grief last night. I also think I deleted a picture of a tree full of money I found that same day. That's rather disappointing, as I wanted to show off the only fully grown money tree the world had ever seen.

I ran into Eloise yesterday. I had been bumbling along the shoreline, just finishing getting that stupid drunk, Gulliver, out of a stupor, when Eloise wandered up to me and started talking as if I had asked her something.

"Which kind of furniture do you like, Wil, functional or knick knacks?"

"Um, I like functional."

"Me too! Beds and chairs are alright (especially beds), but I like diaries or notepads for writing in! That way, I can keep track of the days you come to visit me, cutey!"

"May I hit you across the knees now with my shovel?"

"Again?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it really hurt las--"

*WHAM!*

*THUD*

I found a sunny parasol someone threw away in the dump, so I brought it home to Kiki. She purred and started dancing around the house with it open. When I went to bed, she was still dancing and making little mew sounds. I woke up this morning and she hadn't stopped. I've never seen anyone so enamored with an umbrella. I told her to stop dancing because she was making too much noise, and it cued the little storm clouds around her head and she started stomping around.

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, DO YOUR STUPID DANCE!" I shouted, and then left to finish sleeping at my own house. While I was there, I put away the gift from Gulliver. It was a fishing bear. Now I have two. Joy. Give me a god damn platemail or samurai suit or better yet, a mask of truth please! If he gives me another "stone coin", I'm going to build a giant rock car out of it and fucking run him over.

Bloomton still exists. I purchased some Anthrax from Nook, put it in some envelopes, went to Bloomton and mailed them. I wanted to watch the whole town get quarantined. I stood by the bunch of houses where other humans are segregated from the animals, and suddenly postman Pete, the pelican, dropped from the sky like an anvil and went down on of the chimneys. I took the next train out of town.
 
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Green? 
  wdalphin
 
08:22am 19/02/2003
 
mood: chipper
Green???

Is it just me, or did the trees seem less snow covered yesterday?

I took a picture, but haven't uploaded it yet. It's of the most beautiful orange tree. It's white and brown and green and orange, and I wonder if there's more green than the day before. I think the snow is melting.

Oh, and I hit nobody with my net... I think that's something impressive to report. Kiki made me waffles this morning before I went to work. I've sort of moved in with her basically. I spend the night and we act like a couple. On Valentine's Day, she gave me a special coffee machine, instead of a lame ass t-shirt like everybody else. Except Eloise. I think Eloise has the hots for me or something. She gave me a totem pole and asked me if it gave me any ideas. Hmmm... a big, long, hard shaft of wood? It made me think of trying to cut a tree down so it would fall on her. I asked Tangy, and she said Eloise came back from the hospital before I had left for Portland, I just had never bothered to check on her. Apparently whacking an elephant across the knees with a shovel is some sort of turn on for them. Next time, I'll use my axe.

I don't feel like staying home tonight. I gotta call Kiki and tell her not to make dinner, and to wear her nicest comfy sweater. We're going out on the town.
 
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Sorry for the delay 
  wdalphin
 
10:20am 18/02/2003
 
mood: mischievous
I'm not dead. I was visiting relatives, and my nephews insisted on invading my town and scaring more townsfolk away. They left me with a nasty grizzly bear and a friendly cat who has an orange for a head. There is also a big white cat wandering around with a face that says, "Come to Kieran Mart". I object to the living advertisement, especially considering I went to Kieran Mart, and it consisted of a gyroid that sold four items, none of which interested me in the least.

I missed K.K. Slider on Saturday, but barely managed to get the lighthouse lit in time both Saturday and Sunday. I went to visit Kiki (she's still here, thank goodness), and she hugged me and cried that some strange human had chased her around with a net the other day. I can only assume that was one of my nephews, but I didn't tell her I was related to her attacker.

Bloomton still exists, but not for lack of trying. I bought a barrel from Nook's, and filled it with gunpowder. I then put a flame shirt on it, along with a hat, and put it in front of the train station. The monkeys weren't fooled though, and they ignored my effigy. I tried waddling the barrel up to the train, and said it was my friend, Grover, from Bloomton, and that he wanted to go home, but the monkey just gave me a dirty look and told me to go home.

I'll find a way to blow up Bloomton. This, I swear.
 
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Not gone yet... 
  wdalphin
 
07:55am 12/02/2003
 
mood: bouncy
We'll see how things go...


Here's Eloise putting the moves on me. She was telling me that if I wanted to have her body, I'd have to earn her approval first. I think she wanted me to go down on her or something even more disturbing. Please note the big red arrow blatantly pointing to her elephantine crotch area. She would actually be tolerable if it weren't for two things. First, the giant roll of fat around her belly that makes the arrow practically point at me instead of straight down, and second, that her trunk makes me feel too inadequate to be of any use.

This picture was taken about 5 minutes before I laid her out with a blow to the knees. I got a call from Copper this morning requesting I come in for a line-up. I think that's rather unfair, considering I'm the only human male in town. I told him that if he wanted me to come in, he'd have to leave his post and come get me. He huffed a bit, and then I hung up on him.

More Trouble


I used my collection of pitfalls on Amelia. It felt rather good. She walked into all three, one right after the other. I stood there with my shovel and laughed and waved it in her face. With my snow shirt on, it appeared to her as if the shovel was dancing in the air on its own, and that really freaked her out I think. She started crying, and then started going on about her lovely clothes getting dirty, so I hit her with my net until she stopped moving.

Then I ran to Kiki's house and we played tea party.
 
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Losing interest... 
  wdalphin
 
08:58am 11/02/2003
 
mood: apathetic
I didn't even turn the game on for 5 minutes this morning before going to work. I just don't care anymore. I've got practically everything you can get in the game, except for items I either have to earn on special occasions, or get from Nook or Redd on certain days. I might turn it on and trudge through a now weed-infested village some day in the near future, just to see what special little bit of programming has been coded for that day, but other than that, it's lost its flavor. I'm not even interested in meeting new villagers. Why should I? They fall into one of 3 categories, depending on gender, and I don't find any of the males interesting at all. I'm never getting that golden axe, let's face it. I just can't get the damn village perfect. I can't get the golden net or rod until things warm up. There's nothing to do but make snowmen and do menial tasks. Kiki asked me to find her a ball yesterday, so I did and we played some soccer, and she gave me some random piece of furniture I already owned.

I thought about buying a bunch of stuff that would make me the luckiest person in town. Lots of green tables and stuff for the southern walls of my house, adorned with plants... special items filling the middle, but really, I just don't have the patience to set it up, and then, what would I get for it? Oooo... dig up more money.

Maybe I'll write again, maybe I won't. I don't know right now. Does it really matter?
 
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That's just wrong. 
  wdalphin
 
01:48pm 10/02/2003
 
mood: nervous
Eloise was wearing a particularly perverse shirt this weekend. It was nothing but a plain, white tee with a big, red arrow pointing down at her crotch. She made numerous references to her body, and did this thrusting motion with her hips. She suggested we have some fun together, so I hit her across the knees with my shovel and fled. I later heard from Kiki that Chief had come across her still lying by her front step, and he took her to the hospital. I'm not sure where the hospital is, but I'm hoping she doesn't come back. I wonder if anyone here is a lawyer. Maybe one will wander into town someday soon.
 
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The Deadly Life of a Snow Ninja : Part 2 
  wdalphin
 
08:09am 07/02/2003
 
mood: embarrassed
I went to Katrina's earlier this week. She started chanting and then went into a trance. I think she said something about an umbrella on a boat that was licking a toad. I wasn't sure if she was asking me for a favor, or predicting my future, or just going into seizures. I've never licked a toad before, and I don't really intend to. Lily's a frog, that's as close as I'll get. Katrina snapped out of her trance and said something about doing good and doing bad and doing what I think is right. I told her I thought the right thing to do was give me my money back. She smoke bombed me like Magica DeSpell out of a Scrooge McDuck comic book.


Now here's the interesting part. While suffering from burning, red, itchy eyes and a slight dizziness, I had my own vision. I envisioned the women of N. Field all screaming for me like maniacs. They'd drop to their knees in worship... Kiki hoisted her skirt up and begged me to carry her into her house... Amelia stumbled up to me drunk and looking to score... it was wild. Next thing I knew, I was awakened by a hermit crab trying my nose out as a new shell. I was lying on the beach, bare-ass naked, and Gulliver passed out next to me. I was so embarassed... I ran into the Able Sister's shop and snatched a Valentine shirt off their rack. They chased me outside, calling for the police, and I ran home and hid in humiliation. I have no shower or bathtub in my house, so I couldn't scrub off the shame I had covering me along with the smell of salt water and seagull sweat.

I will go see Kiki when I feel a little better. She makes everything alright.
 
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The Deadly Life of a Snow Ninja : Part 2 
  wdalphin
 
08:09am 07/02/2003
 
mood: groggy
The Snow Ninja is not a morning person. Though he moves with grace and speed at all hours of the day, he is not fully aware of his surroundings for 1/3 of that time. When he is in a state of deep meditation, his instincts and sense of self preservation take over and he can become a lethal machine of death...


...albeit, a clumsy one. His hands are still weapons of mass destruction, with which he can perform various acts of vicious torture, or pluck a single weed from a patch of grass whilst running at top speed. You may be trudging through the snow one evening, and suddenly WHACK! You're dead.


The Snow Ninja strikes with warning. Your family is probably dead too, along with your goldfish and the girl you took to Prom. It is not enough for the Snow Ninja to kill you... he must erase your memory from the face of the Earth. Such is the way of the Snow Ninja.
 
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Still no pictures 
  wdalphin
 
09:28am 06/02/2003
 
mood: full
That damn FTP site just doesn't want to let me connect to it anymore it seems.

Anyway, this morning, I was doing my daily route to make sure everyone was okay. Kiki stopped me to give me some cookies. She's so sweet. I ran off toward the museum, when something stopped me dead in my tracks. It was Astrid, and she was out cold in a snow drift. I know sometimes some of the animals fall asleep standing up, I have to wake them every now and then and tell them to get inside, but Astrid must have been drinking heavily to collapse in a big pile of snow. I could smell the booze on her as I approached. Her poor little joey was shivering in his pouch, and I almost thought about taking him and rushing him to the police station and reporting her for child abuse. Instead, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and woke her up.

"If you saw I was asleep, why did you touch me, you creep, my pet!" she shouted at me. That really pissed me off. Here I was, helping her out, trying to save her kid's life and she's getting all uppity.

"How dare you yell at me?!?!" I screamed back at her, "I just saved your kid's life! You both probably would have been dead from exposure before anyone else found you! You should be thanking me instead of getting upset that I touched you! If I hadn't touched you, you'd still be sleeping in that god damn snow drift!"

The bitch started puffing off steam and stamped into her house. I ran around in a little circle of fury and shook all the trees around her house until a bag of money hit me on the head. Then, I ran back to Kiki's and told her what had just transpired. She gave me a hug and took me inside to have a cup of cocoa and warm up. I told her that next time I found Astrid asleep or passed out drunk, I was going to surround her with pitfalls. Maybe that will teach her. Kiki giggled and passed the tiny marshmallows.
 
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There's a delay... 
  wdalphin
 
09:46am 05/02/2003
 
mood: sad
I haven't posted anything in a couple days, because once again I'm having troublew connecting to my FTP site from home, so I can't upload pictures, and I know that the few people who actually read this anymore only come to look at goofy pictures. Nobody cares what I have to say anymore it seems. Perhaps Amelia was right when she told me I wasn't wanted anymore. Of course, I had just hit her with my net for the tenth time.

I've got some nice pictures for you guys I guess, so stay tuned and eventually I'll be able to post them. I'm storing pitfalls in my snowmonster closet... I've got three so far, but I won't stop until I've got enough to surround Nate's house and drive him batshit. Why Nate? Because he's boring, and yesterday I saw him plucking the area between his big green eyebrows. He's a freakin' unibrow. Also, he's got enough backhair to knit a sweater.

Oh, and my town is filling with happy female animals, and I like that. Patty just moved in. She's a cow, and I mean that in the nice way. She snorted on me once, but she apologized and gave me a rug as sort of a make-up gift. Now I've got Patty, Kiki, Lily, um... and that friendly chicken lady. 4 charming little ladies who really want to be my friends. Oh, and Kiki has been making suggestive remarks about who her Valentine will be this year, and I think I can safely say that it will be me. I gotta figure out what to get her in return. Maybe a mouse.
 
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I'm such a clutz... 
  wdalphin
 
07:41am 03/02/2003
 
mood: sleepy

*WARNING: If you think you're being followed by ninjas, you probably are.

I haven't been getting much sleep lately, and I've been paying for it by tripping over my own feet and running into things. I ran smack into my gyroid on Saturday morning, and stubbed my toe. I spent most of the day limping about doing odd jobs, and everybody giving me that stupid "sympathy face" they put on when they can see you're in pain. That night, I went to listen to K.K. Slider play guitar for me up at the old train station, and I really got into the music. I stood there and swayed, and it got dark, and I got dizzy. Next thing I knew, he was handing me a copy of the song he had just played. Feeling light-headed but giddy, I turned to run home...


...and ran smack into that fucking gold statue that Nook put up last month. I banged my eye on my own shiny glinting ass and got the damn thing swelled shut. I mean, it WOULD NOT OPEN. I splashed water on it down by the river and scared Amelia. She shrieked to high heaven about an ugly monster and flapped her wings and ran back into her house. Well, I guess the situation wasn't all bad. I went to ask Gaston for help, because he seems to be some sort of doctor. The dumb-ass went on about bees and shit. I told him I just banged it on my statue's behind, but he was quite insistent that the best way to avoid it happening again was to not shake any trees. Yeah, thanks Gaston.


Sunday morning, I got up early because it was Groundhog Day, and I wanted to see Resetti. Supposedly, he was going to be dressed up as a groundhog or something. When I got to the well, it was still kinda dark out, but everybody was lined up and staring at Tortimer. The old codger was just standing there in front of the mic. I was hoping for a live wire, but he survived the entire morning, so I'm a little miffed. Every time I went to ask him when Restti was coming, the senile old bastard went on about groundhog fairies and woodchucks. I left for a minute to go check my calendar, and when I came back, Tortimer was off taking a piss break behind some bushes and all the other animals were watching him. It was rather disturbing.


Resetti didn't show for a whole frickin' hour, and when he did finally pop up, he was wearing a suit and tie, not a groundhog costume. I stamped my feet and booed, but everybody ignored me. Restti fumbled with some words, then acted surprised that he had no shadow. No shit, dumb-ass, the sun isn't even up yet. Can't we do this at noon or something? Some of us were up late last night catching spirits for an invisible ghost-thing. Resetti went into his charming old self mode and screamed at everybody to SCRAM!! and then popped back into the ground.

You know, I don't miss him all that much now.
 
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Bad Dreams... 
  wdalphin
 
01:09am 01/02/2003
 
mood: restless
I have to write about this. I just had the worst dream...


...in it, I was trapped in this haunted house. The windows were all boarded up, and the doors to the outside were bolted shut. The bolts were rusted solid. In every room, I found another freaky monster. I did nothing but run screaming. Finally, a huge mass of them herded me into this one room, where they slowly marched towards me, waving their arms and making all sorts of horrendous noise as they closed in for the kill...


...I woke up surrounded by snow monsters. Everywhere I looked was the face of another snowmonster. I was reeling the guts out of snow monsters and sitting on them with their claw mittens wrapped around me while I listened to freaky music on a snow monster television set. I practically wet myself in terror. It has come to my attention that I need to replace my furniture before the thread my sanity hangs by is used to knit a sweater for a minnow.
 
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Never met the groundhog 
  wdalphin
 
07:50am 31/01/2003
 
mood: listless
So yesterday I was walking around town, and came upon Kody. Kody is this patch-work blue and darker blue bear suffering from a double-dose of lazy eye and a permanent case of sugar rush. He asked me if I wanted to arm wrestle and win a prize, and who can resist such a challenge? Sure, my arms are virtually sticks, and I'm lacking these things called "elbows", but I had a feeling that day was Kody's day to go down. Unfortunately, he bailed on me. He must have seen the fire in my eyes, because he asked if instead he could just give me a quiz. I said sure. Hey, answering a question is much easier than arm wrestling. Kody wanted to know how many push ups he had done that morning. Well, it was still morning, and as far as I had seen from the moment I came up and he left his house to him asking, he had done none. In fact, I've never seen Kody do a push up. So, I said the honest and correct answer, "none". Kody, big fat liar, said he did 99. Then, he took every bell I had on me, over 40,000, and gave me a pitfall. I don't recall ever agreeing to giving him all my money if I got it wrong, not to mention he lied about the correct answer, so I was pretty pissed off at that point. I decided to confront him and demand my money back. He changed the subject, ans asked me to read a letter...


Lady, your child is a thief and a liar. I am not his friend, nor never will be his friend. He took all my money and gave me a piece of crap in return. I hate him. He probably will never have any friends, at least as long as he continues down this road of criminal activity.

I built another perfect snowmonster yesterday, and it thanked me with another snowmonster wardrobe. I'd really appreciate it if they'd finish off my collection with a snowmonster table. They've sent me everything else. Before going back to stuff I already have, I think they need to focus on the ones I don't. I've got two wardrobes and two dressers now. If they send me another bed, I'm going to going around town and push them all over.


Betty was talking to me about the Groundhog Day thing coming up on Sunday. I'm not exactly thrilled by the prospect of waking up before 7:00 on a weekend just to see some groundhog get freaked out and hide again. People go around talking about them being afraid of their own shadow, but in truth, they're probably terrified by the giant mob of spectators standing around watching them. But Betty said the groundhog is Mr. Resetti. This intrigued me, as I have never met the mole personally, and would rather enjoy seeing him pop up and get scared for my amusement. I wonder if they'll put a costume on him.

Either way, all I'm concerned about right now is finishing my snowmonster collection before Spring.
 
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A sad day... 
  wdalphin
 
08:40pm 30/01/2003
 
mood: sad
I'd just like to take a moment to say goodbye to my friend, Laeniver. It's going to be hard to find someone as full of wrath and vicious wit to fill her little sneakers. :-(

Speaking of sneakers, I met a green squirrel named Nibbles today. She just moved into town. She asked me if I hated the snow as much as she doe because it gets my feet wet. Stupid Nibbles, I wear shoes.


Nibbles, you weren't here last Thursday. She really isn't making a good first impression with me. And my god, what big teeth she has! She'd give Chief a run for his money. I don't think she's healthy though... she has a terrible color about her, and I think her tail is about ready to fall off. She's probably a tramp, full of nasty disease. She's awful nice though... poor thing probably came here to die. I guess I should treat her well.
 
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I typed this with my nose 
  wdalphin
 
07:20am 29/01/2003
 
mood: anxious
There were four gifts in my mailbox this morning. Three were backdated fossils from the Farway Museum. I guess they're cleaning out their closet of stuff I sent them and thought they'd actually take the time to identify something. What baffles me is my own ignorance about fossils. No matter how many times I dig them up and get them identified, I never learn the ability to identify them on my own. You'd think once I've seen 30 skulls of a plesiosaur, I'd be able to point at 31 and say, "yep, that's another of them thar skull thingies!"

The fourth gift was a box of tissues from the post office. I guess they've been reading my mail. How else would they know I cry myself to sleep every night? I'm going to set the box by my bed for those nights when I wake up sobbing Olivia's name. Sometimes I dream that Tad has erected a casino on her grave, and for 50 bells you can play on a slot machine and if you win, Olivia's body parts start falling out like candy from a piñata.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't tromp through the flowers around Tad's house, kicking up posies vainly before spitting on his signpost. He stands there in frog-shaped befuddlement, while I wiggle my little fingerless stumps in a vain attempt to flip him off. Sometimes I shake the trees near him in case there's a beehive in them. There was once, but the little yellow traitors chased me all the way to Nook's instead of paying any attention to him.

He told me today that he wants to move. I told him that I wanted him to move too. Apparently he won't until I do something first. Damn! You'd think a frog that gets up at 6:00 AM and brags about how active he is could take the time to get off his ass and move without needing someone else to take the first step.
 
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He hates those cans!! Stay away from the cans!! 
  wdalphin
 
07:50am 28/01/2003
 
mood: apathetic

I guess they didn't like that can I sent them.
 
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Hate Mail 
  wdalphin
 
07:40am 27/01/2003
 
mood: indescribable

I got this letter from the museum. I don't think they are quite as appreciative of my archaeological efforts as they should be. I sent them an empty can in response, as sort of a gesture of good will. I truly believe their qualitative dating techniques will provide a better understanding of why my river is so completely full of garbage. You know it's bad when the cans and boots are literally tugging your line trying to get out of whatever underwater squalor they must live in down there. I don't know how the fish survive, it's not like I bother to bait my hook.


I thought you might like to get a view of the Snow Ninja in his den of solitude. He is one with the cold and the beings of frozen precipitation, and they send him many gifts in thanks for his continued support. I think the only thing he's missing right now is a table in the shape of a snow monster. Certainly, no snow ninja can survive without some way to eat his dinner off the belly of a giant white snowman. Usually, I have to carry my tv dinners outside and eat them in front of the living snow monsters. They rant on about melting or hucking ice, and I crunch into a delicious bunch of peas. I really need a microwave.

You may have noticed the beach table in the snow ninja's den of solitude. I got that from Elina, my islander. She often fishes such marvels out of the ocean, and then leaves them lying around her island, if not buried in a ditch somewhere. I hope someday to learn from her... all I get are half starved fish and old, wet boots. Oh, yes, some people questioned the actual existence of Issaland Island. so, let me show you some of it...


The girl's got good taste. You can't argue with an elephant that shits out bags of 30,000 bells if she eats too many pears and pays you 2,000+ bells if you happen to have a chain gang shirt she likes. Besides, without her, I wouldn't have my house or manor models, nor a giant, honking gold statue of myself in front of the train station. She's like one of those exotic female foreigners that savvy businessmen take up as mistresses when they go on long trips and have to leave the wife and kids back in Hooterville.


I treat her right. She's got almost a complete exotic set going on in her home. She WOULD have the whole exotic set, but apparently she's more interested in setting my CD player on the floor and having a second music station with no music in it (the turntable) than having even one exotic chest. What a bummer. She certainly loves the exotic theme though, and when she gets bored with something, she gives it back for free! So in one day, I gave her the exotic chair 3 times. Each time she paid me a buttload of money for it, then gave it back later. What a doll.


I posted this because I wanted to point out something. No, not the orange-faced freak of nature I left stranded in Bloomton. Sure, she's scary, but the truly scary thing in this picture is the monkey. Excuse me, Mr. Monkey, but I'm very sure we left your brother back at the N. Field train station, so who exactly is driving this train? I'd like to mention that said monkey went out the back door (noted by the way the scenery flies by when I look out the window) and promptly vanished off the back of the train. Considering this train has only one car to its name, and we happen to be seated in it, I was naturally in a state of panic. I had to shut the stupid cat up and run up to the engine compartment and pull the brake before we flew right past Bloomton. This is why you never let a monkey play engineer.

Stupid monkeys.
 
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